hmm

Where to begin?  I guess the best place is to say that today is the two month anniversary of me not smoking!  Yay me!  I wont lie and say I havent wanted to smoke at all sense I quit, but all in all it's been amazingly easy for me this go around.  Guess a health scare will do that to you lol.

I have my good and bad days with dealing with Jess being gone.  Funny enough I think it's actually HARDER being here with my parents than it was doing it alone.  Part of me still wishes I had stayed where I was, but I wont deny that I haven't had the chance to meet some awesome people being here, and getting back in touch with some old friends.   But I do miss having my own house, that I get to do things my way in.  Hard to go from running your own place for the past 10 years to having to do things someone elses' way again.  That and it is really nice for the kids to get to know my parents really well. 

I need to buckle down and get Logan potty trained.  He knows what he's supposed to do, he's pee'd and poop'd in the potty now it's time to get him to do it consistently.  I'd really like to have him trained by the time he turns 3, which means I have almost exactly 2 months to do this lol.  I think from now on when we are at home I'll start keeping him in underwear, unless it's nap time of course, and go from there. 

I finally seem to have found my groove again with going to the gym.  Ever sense I got out of the hospital I've been real sporadic about going.  This week was the first week in a long time that I've gone more than once or twice lol.  Today made day 3 in a row, and I plan on going tomorrow as well.  I'd like to start going at least 5 days a week but cant decide if I want Monday to be a class or just go and do some cardio.   Guess we'll just have to wait and see lol.

I hate fact that I cant vent about things that are bothering me on here in fear of who may read it.  I need to have a private journal or something where I can just complain and no one knows lol.   

Ok this post is all over the place, lol time to end it while it still makes a little bit of sense. 

Ok

First things first, I still havent smoked!  Not even a puff...who knew I could pull this off? LOL It's been over a month now, and I feel great.  I do still get cravings once in a blue moon but it's rare now so thats awesome lol.   Jesse quit smoking too!  It's been just over a week for him.  He's doing a lot better now than he was doing at first so thats a plus lol.  In a way it was probably a bit harder for him than it was for me sense he chewed too....but nothing for him in just over a week now.  I'm proud of him :)

He's been gone for almost 3 months now.  Hard to believe that we've hardly used up any of the time yet....but sometimes it seems like the kids and I have been here forever.  Then again we have been here for the past 6 months so that could have something to do with it lol.   I cant wait until June when he comes home for mid-tour.  It's amazing the little things you miss.  Someone to talk to at the end of the day, and just someone to sit and watch TV with, or both of you sitting there reading your own books.  Yes we do that often  lol...even having both of us do our own things on the computers but we were still "together".    You forget to appreciate the little things when you are together for a long time...and even though recruiting kept us separated quite a bit I still forgot.  Yeah I like being around my parents, and I like the fact that the kids get to spend so much time with them...and I've met some awesome people down here...but I cant wait to leave.  Nothing against people here of course, I just hate not having my family together...no fun what so ever. 

Anyway, only about 4 1/2 months until we get to see him again....can the time go a little quicker please?

New computer

So I finally have a new computer woohoo!  Thanks to Jesse finishing his college classes in X amount of time, I got a free Dell laptop lol.  Makes me a happy camper :)  Makes for a happy family in general actually because now we can do video chats with Jesse, with not only video but sound too.  It's awesome and a HUGE improvement to what it was like the last 2 times he was deployed where all we had was the web  cam really and even that froze and lagged like crazy lol.  Kinda neat to watch him playing with Logan, and he's 1/2 a world away.

Turns out that this computer came just in time too...sense apparently I have a virus on that one that I cant heal and now I have to just wipe my whole computer.  Fun stuff.  Which means loosing a ton of music and pictures.  Thankfully I got a lot of my old pictures out of there before the virus, and the newer ones are posted either on facebook or on myspace.  The only music I'm bothered by is a CD from high school when my choir went and sang at a special competition, and as far as I know thats where the only copy of it is....grrr.

Ok so thats all I've got for now lol

Updates

Ok I promised updates, so here we go lol.

First and foremost, my health scare.  A week before Christmas, I was getting the kids ready for school....when suddenly my left arm and leg started to tingle like they were going numb, and I got light headed.  I got really scared and had my mom take me to the ER.  I got admitted to the hospital for the next 24hrs and had a million tests ran on me.  Basically they thought I had a minor stroke...at 27 (ok almost 28 lol).  They couldnt find anything that would prove that I did (no blood clots, heart was fine, ect) so they think it was migraine induced.  The morning that all this happened I woke up with a headache, and apparently you can have a migraine without the horrible pain.  So essentially I'm perfectly fine...but just the thought that I had symptoms of a stroke with how young I am was enough to scare me out of smoking sense I know smoking increases your chances of having a real one.  So at least something good came out of the whole ordeal, sense I'm terrified to even think about lighting up a cigarette now lol.  Tomorrow marks 3 weeks of no smoking for me woohoo!  I've never made it this long before and it feels great!  So yeah that was my scare.  Fun times.

Other than that things are going really good.  Christmas was great and the kids loved opening up all there presents.  Would have been even better if Jess had been here, but he did at least get to watch on the web cam...so thats something!

I managed to pull something in my back when I went to the gym on Tuesday.....feels fine most of the time until I move "just so" and bam...big time pain.  So I'll be taking it easy for the rest of the week and hopefully getting back into it on Monday!

Jesse is doing good as he can be for being so far away.  He takes a very important test on Monday, so I've got my fingers crossed for him!  Hoping it goes smoothly!

Yeah thats all I've got for now lol I'm hungry, time to go find something for breakfast!

Happy 2010!

Ok so it's been a month on the nose sense I've posted!  Eeek!  This one probably wont be too long either.  But I wanted to do a quick post about my new years resolution! 

Typically like everyone else, it's to loose weight, quit smoking, ect!  Well I've already quit smoking (2 weeks today woot!!) thanks to a health scare (more on that later).  And instead of trying so hard to loose weight and being so hard on myself, I've decided that I'm going to stop.  Stop being so stressed out by how I look and what the scale says, and work on being happy with me.  Yes I'm still going to continue going to the gym and such but no more obsessing about what the scale says.  I've been so worried about my body image when I had no reason to.  My husband still loves me, is still very much attracted to me, and I have no health concerns linked to my weight.  So why stress over it?  I think it will make me an all around happier person!  Easy resolution you'd think right?  Haha we'll see....I've had a bad body image sense I was a teen.

Today marks my 28th birthday, a whole new year all around....wonder what it will bring?

I'm a sucker and I know it

Well I made it until this morning...which was day 10 mind you...before I broke down and bought cigarettes.  Pfft.  Cant even make an excuse thats worth anything because there isnt one lol. 

Logan is at least still off the sippy cup lol, at least I know thats one thing we wont be going back to.  He still fights sleep for at least a little while ever single night, but it's never for more than a few minutes.  Ok well it's only a few minutes of actual crying lol he's been in bed for the past 45 min...talked for 43 of those minutes to Doug and cried for the last 2...now he's quiet.  I'm beginning to think he's getting his 3 year molars already, even though he's been a late teether his whole life because he's been pooing up a storm.  Or it could just be the fact that he's eating more real food and WAY less milk so his body is adjusting.  Who knows.  Either way I'm tired of changing poopie diapers, time for this kid to potty train!  Maybe that will be my new years resolution haha...to get him potty trained. 

I'm TRYING to stay positive for the holidays, but it's definitely not easy.  Hard to stay happy and look forward to all the family stuff when Jesse isnt here.  Oh well...I'll get through it and the kids will have an awesome Christmas, and thats all that matters! 

Bekah is only a week away from turning 7.  How in the hell did she get that old?  Then talking to an old friend on the phone, and we talked about how some girls are losing there virginity at 10 these days.  WTF?  10??!!??  Thats only 3 years away!  There is no way in hell my child will be loosing hers that early, but still the thought of a 10 year old not only knowing what sex is and how it's done, but actually DOING it just amazes me!  You are still a baby at 10 for crying out loud!  Definitely have NO business doing stuff like that.  I'm hoping my "honesty is the best policy" take on things is the best way to go with her.  Every day she asks more questions along that line it seems...not sex per say but how babies are made and where they come from... and I tell her what I think is appropriate for her age and maturity....now I'm worried that I'll be giving her too much information lol.  She's been curious ever sense I got pregnant with Logan though, so it's been an ongoing process with her.  I guess all I can do though is do my best to teach all of them to be smart, and hope they make the right choices!

Sweet!

We are still sippy cup AND smoke free here!  Woohoo!  This is day 5 for both of us lol.  Logan is doing MUCH better with laying down and going to sleep.  He still cries a little bit sometimes, but all in all he will just talk for a little bit then pass out. Yay!

I wont say that I havent wanted to smoke in the last 5 days, but it at least hasnt been bad enough to send me running to the store.  Last time I made it to the morning of day 6, before I broke down.  I dont think thats gonna happen tomorrow though sense my mom has our whole day pretty much planned out lol.  I know I want to go to the gym in the morning, then I have to run to the post office to send off a box for Jesse, then back here to help my mom clean the carpets. 

Thanksgiving was ok.  Seemed weird that we had no company and we ate ham not turkey.  Just didnt seem quite like a holiday.  My apple pie came out good though lol so I guess thats a plus.

I was one of MAYBE 20 people who showed up for kickboxing today haha.  Everyone else was being crazy and out shopping.  Not me!  I cant handle the black Friday stuff....too nuts for my tastes!  My legs were DEAD today....ugh.  I felt like I could only do half of what she was asking because they were so tired lol.  I didnt have the extra umph today like I usually do.  I'm sure having 2 days off will help though lol.  Tuesday is YFirm, but it's the interval one, which means OUCH!  I cant wait haha!

See no biggie!

LOL I can say that now....it isnt what I've been saying the last few days though!  Logan is still off of the sippy (yay!!!!) Last night was the best night by far.  He talked to poor Doug for about an hour haha and then cried for about 15 or 20 min, then slept ALL NIGHT!!!  I swear to you this boy has only slept through the night a hand full of times his entire life.  I'm hoping last night was just a sign that he'll be doing it more often now!  The night before was a rough one though.  He cried for at least an hour before he finally went to sleep.  Then woke up maybe 1 1/2 hrs after he finally went to sleep.  So I laid on Doug's bed again, until about 1 in the morning when I'd had enough of him wanting to lay with me, and then changing his mind and wanting to lay in his bed.  ugh!!!  So yeah I left him in his bed and came down here and went to sleep...didnt hear a peep out of him until about 6:30 or so when he got up for the day.   So yeah needless to say it's going pretty smoothly!  I came soooo close to breaking down and buying him cups while we were at walmart yesterday  but now I'm really glad I didnt!

I'm still smoke free :)  Although with this sippy cup situation I honestly thought I was going to go to the store and either buy cups or cigarettes lol.  I'm happy to say I did neither though!  Today is only day 3 though so I'm not too excited yet lol.  Although starting tomorrow my mom is home for almost a full week so I know if anyone will keep me on track it's her lol sense she quit over a year and a half ago!  I'm just tired of feeling like I "need" to smoke, and trying to remember what I liked about it so much lol.  Not a whole lot really!

Went to the gym again today...for Lori's "turkey" workout.  Holy crap!  I thought all the other kickboxing classes were hard lol this one was insane!  Two days in a row of having to do walking lunges (ouch) then you have the counting kicks or what ever it is that she calls them (another ouch) then the shuffles, and the sprints.  I decided that between today and yesterday's workouts, she just wanted us to be too tired to even think about over eating tomorrow lol.  THEN Friday she's having her "post turkey" workout.  I'm not sure I'll be able to move this weekend lol. 

Trying not to get discouraged about inches and lbs not coming off quicker.  I know it's going to take some time, but for some reason the impatience is setting in lol.  I think next week (after AF leaves!!) I'm going to do the commit to get fit thing at the gym.  It's free!  Woohoo lol and I get to get advice from a trainer lol.

Anyway sounds like Logan finally went down for his nap.  I need to go feed the older 2, dry and fix my hair, and then do some cleaning.

Bekah's blanket

Finally finished Bekah's blanket!  She's thrilled of course lol here is the pattern:
SusanB's Easy Ripple Afghan
and here are the pics!

close up of the colors/stitches

Uggg

So last night was a disaster with Logan!  He fell asleep at 9:30 like I said but then got up at 11 and did NOT want to go back to sleep!  I ended up sending Doug down here to sleep, and then I slept in his bed...which was a BAD idea lol because he then spent all night going from my bed to his.  Needless to say I'm exhausted today!!  But I still havent smoked!  Probably because I'm too damn tired to even think about it lol.  Hopefully tonight will go better!

Logan was so tired himself that he passed out on the floor watching TV down here around 10 lol see:
he slept for about 2hrs like that....so at least one of us got a nap today lol.  I'm very glad I decided to do this this week while the older 2 are out for Turkey day...makes life a little easier.  Just keep your fingers crossed that he gets the hang of it soon!!!