I'm loosing track of days

Yep my life is that boring lol I cant keep days straight anymore.

So I decided (for now) that quitting smoking is for the birds.  I dont wanna deal with it right now....yep I know it's bad for me, and I do plan on quitting eventually....just not right now lol. 

I'm counting down the days until the LES comes out for the 1st! (it's like a pay stub for military for you folks who dont speak in acronyms)  To see if our extra pay has actually started.  Because if it has, my main priority is getting a gym membership at the local YMCA and I cant WAIT!  I want to start working out again so badly it's not funny.  Although I have to laugh at the fact that while I'm actually in the same state/house as my husband I have ZERO motivation to exercise but the minute we get separated, or he goes over sea's I go into "must loose weight" mode.  It's something though right?  It's also going to help that my friend Beth happens to go to the same gym and goes almost every day.  So that will be a nice kick in the butt that I'll need to make sure I keep going.  And my mom of all people even said that if she can get her sift switched at work she'll probably join too! 

One more month and Jesse will be here for three whole weeks before he has to leave for real.  I think it will be easier once he's actually out of the country.  It's not easy on either of us knowing he's so close but we cant see him.  I still think the decision to move out here early was the best one, but I cant lie and say it doesnt suck at the same time (sorry mom).   I think once I actually get off my butt and start doing stuff (going to the gym, and seeing friends that still live here) will make it easier too.  I gotta start doing SOMETHING to make the time go faster lol.

I am a NON-SMOKER!.....AGAIN!

LOL ok so today is once again day one of me not smoking!  And Jesse's too for that matter!  No more smoking for either of us!  Time to beat this habit once and for all!  Wish me luck! lol

Things are going pretty good here. Just gearing up for Doug's birthday party tomorrow!  I cant believe my big boy is going to be 8 on Monday!  Where in the heck did time go????

Thats all I've got for now haha I wanna go jump in the shower, and then I need to clean the bathroom.  Just wanted to post a quick update!

So MAD at myself!

So I proved everyone else right, and myself wrong today.  I am a weak willed, spineless pathetic person.  I broke down and went and bought cigarettes today.  This was day six.....DAY SIX!  Of not smoking!  What on earth is wrong with me! 

I was going to re-read the book I linked earlier, and then stop again after I finished it.  But I decided I'm mad enough at myself right now taht I'm gonna give myself the rest of today/tonight and start fresh tomorrow!  Sure I should probably just stop now, but it's my quit and I'm gonna do it my way lol.  Like my mom said, no one controls my quit but me.  I think I will re-read key parts, and print up those key parts but I need to quit once and for all before I go back down on the downward spiral again.

Mom...I'm sure you are reading this lol.  I know you want so badly to say something to me about this, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for not doing so earlier, but please try to bear with me over the next few days lol.

I need to quit coming up with excuses for why this is so hard for me, because thats not helping anyone.  I think the biggest thing I'm kicking myself for is the fact that YES I was craving earlier when I went to buy the cigarettes, but I wasnt moody or anything like that.  The exact opposite, I've been in a GREAT mood sense I've quit.  And I dont know if it's because I'm so mad at myself or what but I've been in a crappy mood ever sense I smoked that first one this morning. 

No more excuses, no more "I'll quit next week/month/year", that cant fly with me anymore.  I need to do this for me, and for my kids.  Mainly for me.  I'm tired of this stupid weak addiction having such a hold on me.  I dont NEED them, they do nothing but cause me trouble!  I can and will do this!

Another new day!

Ok so this may sound horrible geeky of me...but I'm TOTALLY excited to say that I have this book pre-ordered finally!  I cant wait to get it!  I didnt used to be a series girl when it came to books.....used to be hand me a romance novel that was around 300 pages and I'd finish it in a day or two.  These Outlander books....almost all of them are over 1000 pages (except the first one, which is around 850) and I've read all of them at least 3 times.  The first 4 in the series I've read at least 5 times, and the first one...I've lost track of how many times I've read it lol.  So yeah these books are definitely my guilty pleasure.  Now thanks to this series I've become stuck on other series lol.  Like Eragon, which I will admit that I havent read the 3rd book yet....because I've been too tied up in my Outlander books lol.  And of course Twilight, which I will admit I didn't WANT to get into, because of all the hype...but I did enjoy them just the same, even if they are written for a teen audience. 

Ok, enough book geekyness from me for now!  Thats what happens when I let the nerd in me shine through lol.  Today is the beginning of day 5 for me not smoking, and day 2 for Jesse!  He was a little on the grumpy side yesterday morning, but by last night he was doing MUCH better.  I've got faith in him though!  We will both finally be able to kick this horrible habit that we've had for so long!  I will admit that I've had a few times where I've really craved one, but it's easier and easier to turn away from it as each day passes.  It's like I described it to Jesse....the first few days each time you get a craving, or have a trigger, it's like being hit with a big tree branch in the back.  They come on suddenly, and those ones are hard to resist.  Now for me, it's like getting poked with a little stick lol...it's annoying as heck, but very easy to ignore.  I know in some ways it's going to be harder for him, sense he's giving up smoking AND chewing but like I said...I have faith!

Anyway, I need to go get dressed....gotta go to walmart with my mom this morning sense she doesnt like going alone lol.  Then we get to come back and clean the house...so much fun!

Jesse's Blanket

I'm hoping to be done with this by next week!  Yay!  Well once I buy more yarn....again!  Bekah is modeling it for me haha and as you can see if this was a Bekah size blanket, I could stop now...but Jesse is much bigger than Bekah is lol so I just keep crocheting!

This one washed out really bad but you can see the blanket size and such better


This pic is better...but not much lol.  The blue is a dark royal blue...not the teal that it looks here.

9/11....and updates!

Hard to believe it's been 8 years already!  I remember I was 36 weeks pregnant with Doug when this happened.  I got woken up by a phone call from a friend telling me that planes had hit the towers.  I dont think I saw Jess for a few days after that....I honestly cant remember.  One big thing I do remember is that it took HOURS to get on post...and there were lines going around the block for the gas station.   It's a day I'll never forget!

So today is the full 3rd day of not smoking for me woohoo!  Well technically 3 1/2 days lol.  Sense I quit Tuesday afternoon.  I still feel great!  Which is amazing lol.  Maybe thats why it's hard for some people to accept that I've really quit...because I havent been grumpy or anything.  Some people have a habit of asking me shortly after they walk in the door if I'm still a non smoker....or calling the other adult who lives here and asking them if I've smoked yet. :)  Which I wont lie...gets slightly annoying lol.

My hubby finished the same book I read tonight...still waiting to see if it works as well for him as it has for me!  Lets keep our fingers crossed!

The kids are still doing really good here.  Doug and Bekah both seem to love their school a ton, which is just amazing to me!  I still have had no notes or notices about Doug saying he's had bad behavior at all!  I'm finally starting to think that maybe this will be normal for here!  I dunno what it was about the Missouri schools that made his behavior so horrible, but hey I'll take it!

Logan is being a typical 2 year old lol.  His latest thing is clapping at me if I'm not doing what he demands of me.  Like if I ask him to wait a minute, or tell him no he'll start crying and clapping...little butt.  Still no interest in using the potty ugh.  Maybe I need to get him the smaller potty chair and see if that helps.  I'm ready to be done with diapers! LOL

Thats about the jist of it here! I miss my Missouri friends :(  And my former Oklahoma friends (who have scattered across the world now lol).  Amy thanks for feeding my hubby while he's foodless for the next week of clearing housing lol.

Soooo Tired

Logan did NOT sleep well last night at all.  Which of course means that I didnt sleep well either lol.  I havent decided yet if I'm going to try and take a nap when he does or just try and tough it out for the rest of the day.    On the plus side I'm still not smoking :)  Nor do I want to!  Today is my 2nd full day of no smoking and I still feel great!  Yeah I've had little urges to smoke, but nothing overwhelming like I've had before.

I'm hoping the lady from the YMCA calls me back today.  Apparently they have a deal for military that if your spouse is over seas/deployed you get a free membership for that time period.  So I took them in a copy of Jesse's orders and now I'm just waiting to hear if we qualify.  Even if we don't, I'll be joining in October!  I cant wait to start going to the gym again!  My goal is to loose about 20lbs while I'm here....I'd be truly happy at that weight (it would put me at about 130ish...and for being 5'4 thats a nice healthy weight!).  I've lost a pound here and a pound there over the last couple of months but no where near what it would be like if I was actually working out 4 or 5 times a week again!

Logan has definitely hit the snotty 2 1/2 year old phase!  He tries to be a bossy little dude but it doesnt fly well with mama, and hopefully he realizes it soon lol. 

Guess I should get off of here for now and go do something productive.  Or maybe lay Logan down and take a nap like I really want to lol.

I am a NON-SMOKER!

So yesterday I finished reading a book called "The Easy way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr.  I was hesitant to believe there was an easy way....lord knows I've tried to quit before and it was ANYTHING but easy!  But I kept an open mind like the book said.  It also tells you to keep smoking while you are reading the book....I thought that was strange its self lol. But I listened, read the book, smoked my last cigarette when it said it was time to, and havent looked back!  And let me tell you, that last cigarette....it didnt taste good like you would expect.  I didnt "enjoy" it like I thought I would, and I didnt try to make it last longer knowing it was my last like I thought I would.  It actually tasted horrible!  And the smoke smell seemed to linger with me a lot longer than it normally does.  That was at 2pm yesterday, and I honestly havent craved a cigarette sense!  I'm amazed!  I'm in a great mood, I'm not pining after those horrid sticks, and I seem to have more energy!

For those of you who may stumble across my blog yourself, and decide that you want to give it a shot...here is a link to his book that you can read online!

http://nerukom.googlepages.com/AllenCarrEN-EasyWayToStopSmoking.pdf 

If you know someone (friend, relative, loved one, ect) that is trying to stop smoking send them that link!

Anyway lol.  I do have the lovely cough that people seem to get when they quit smoking.  My lungs are trying to get rid of all the crap I've put in them over the last 15 years or so.  But other than that, like I said earlier I feel amazing!!!  Now all I have to do is get Jesse to actually FINISH the book and he can join me in my non smokier glory! LOL

What I repeat to myself if I feel a craving coming on-

I AM A NON SMOKER!!!!!

I did not loose anything, or give anything up!  I gained my freedom back!

Colorado State Fair!

Well it's easy to say that the kids had a BLAST at the fair yesterday.  I had forgotten how big this fair is compared to the one in Missouri....sense I had only been to this one once and it was about 10 years ago lol.  They rode on a ton of rides....well ok a handful of rides, but they rode those more than once lol.  There were some rides that they LOVED last year but were terrified of this year...dunno what the deal with that is.   We also got to get our pictures taken with a sea lion!  Yeah it cost more than it should have for a regular 4x5 pic lol but I couldnt resist.  Look how cute!
ETA: The pic shows up huge and cut off on my screen...if it does it for anyone else you can see the whole pic on the FB link I posted lol

More pictures are posted on my facebook here
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=104373&id=502968210

Anyway, we were there from 9:30am until 6pm, so needless to say I am TIRED and sore today lol.  Logan did sooo good yesterday though!  He spent a majority of the day in the stroller and didnt complain about it at all.  That combined with no nap you'd think he would have slept well last night haha.  No such luck though!  I swear he woke up at least 6 times between 8 and midnight.

Not much going on here today I dont think.  I plan on working on Jesse's blanket some more...gotta get at least 2 full blocks of colors done per day so I can actually have it done by the time he comes here to see us before leaving.

Speaking of crochet stuff.  I'm not impressed with the shower puff I made :(  I think I need to make another one out of acrylic instead of cotton.  Cotton just sucks up too much water, and thus doesnt lather the way it should.  That combined with the fact that it takes FOREVER to dry just doesnt sit well with me lol.  So I'll try that I think today and see what happens lol.

Ok I'm done for now lol gotta go and do something productive before the urge to go lay down and go to sleep wins over.

Stupid swine flu ruins everything!

So Jesse and I played around with the idea of either him or the kids and I taking a road trip this weekend. I honestly didnt wanna drive out to MO with all 3 kids by myself, but I will admit I was VERY tempted. We were both even MORE tempted by the idea of him coming out here this weekend (sense it's a 4 day weekend for him)....and I think he probably would have came....except for one little problem. One of the guys he worked with came down with the swine flu....and didnt know it until he'd already been in the office for 2 days spreading the germs around to everyone else. Yesterday EVERYONE but Jesse went to the hospital because they weren't feeling well. We aren't sure if he'll actually catch it or not, but we really didn't want to expose the kids to that if we don't have to. So he's staying in MO this weekend, and I'll be staying here :(. Which quite frankly sucks because I miss my husband, and at this point unless his boss lets him take a long weekend (hahahahahahaha) I wont see him again until mid October.

So yeah hopefully he doesn't catch the swine flu....we both seem to have some sort of natural immunity to the regular flu, as do the kids, so hopefully it applies to this new version too. As of yesterday he had a headache, but cant really say weather that had anything to do with the flu or not...I havent talked to him yet today to see how he's feeling.

Moving on. I'm totally excited about tomorrow! My mom and I are taking the kids to the state fair! They loved it when we went last year, and have been totally stoked ever sense we told them last weekend that we were going lol. The older 2 have both been doing REALLY well in school so I'm looking forward to being able to reward them with a day full of rides, food, animals and over priced carnival games! Yes I'm a big kid at heart and looking forward to it as much as they are lol.

Ok I really should go crochet, or clean, or something productive instead of sitting at the computer all afternoon. Oh gotta run to walmart too for milk!

Crochet stuff

Ok so here is just a bunch of stuff I've done lately lol

hat for Bekah, with a huge flower on it lol



This WAS Jesse's blanket, but it's now Doug's because it's too small lol although I think I'm gonna undo the whole thing and use a different pattern. It's not done yet of course lol. And I dont have pictures of the current blanket I'm working on for Jesse lol.


and this is a hat I made for a friend who's having a baby in December (Amy no showing her! LOL)

Been over a month...again

Ooops....over a month again....my bad lol.

So we are in Colorado now. It's actually not going too bad being here, the kids have adjusted well, and my mom and I havent yelled at each other yet lol. Doesnt mean I'm happy to be here though. I hate being separated form Jesse when I dont *have* to be. Drives me crazy to know that he's still going home to that house every night and we are stuck here. And also knowing that the next time I get to see him is in October, when he comes out here for 3 weeks, then he leaves for Korea....for the "real" separation.

The kids are doing really well here though, they've all adjusted way better than I ever expected them to. I'm sure that having my parents here helps though....they help me give them each the attention that they need right now. Doug and Bekah both are doing GREAT in school! This is there first full week of school so it will be interesting to see how it goes lol. Seeing how well they've adjusted makes me feel better about moving out here early. Doug hasnt had any issues what so ever in school so far. Yeah he got his color changed twice I think last week for talking when he was supposed to be paying attention lol but to me thats "normal" 7 (almost 8) year old behavior. So far no sign of the tantrums he used to throw last year. But I'm not naive enough to think that we are in the clear just yet lol but I'm SO proud of him for how well he's doing! They had testing last week, and no surprise he's a bit behind in reading. But thats ok! He'll get the extra help he needs and be fine.

Bekah is doing great as usual lol. Her teacher was very impressed at how well she reads when she did her testing. She loves her new school and her new friends. It's amazing how well kids adjust to changes like this. I can only hope that when we move AGAIN next year it goes as smoothly.

My mom and I are taking the kids to the fair this weekend and I cant wait! I love taking them to stuff like this and teaching them about all the different things we'll see!

I think I'm also going to start posting pictures of the stuff I crochet here....just to kinda keep track of it all lol. I have way too many projects going on at once right now haha. A blanket for Jesse, a blanket for Doug, a shower puff, a giraffe, and a scarf for Bekah haha. Yeah I need to learn to finish one thing before starting another!

Ok going to end this for now and figure out how to post pictures!