So MAD at myself!

So I proved everyone else right, and myself wrong today.  I am a weak willed, spineless pathetic person.  I broke down and went and bought cigarettes today.  This was day six.....DAY SIX!  Of not smoking!  What on earth is wrong with me! 

I was going to re-read the book I linked earlier, and then stop again after I finished it.  But I decided I'm mad enough at myself right now taht I'm gonna give myself the rest of today/tonight and start fresh tomorrow!  Sure I should probably just stop now, but it's my quit and I'm gonna do it my way lol.  Like my mom said, no one controls my quit but me.  I think I will re-read key parts, and print up those key parts but I need to quit once and for all before I go back down on the downward spiral again.

Mom...I'm sure you are reading this lol.  I know you want so badly to say something to me about this, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for not doing so earlier, but please try to bear with me over the next few days lol.

I need to quit coming up with excuses for why this is so hard for me, because thats not helping anyone.  I think the biggest thing I'm kicking myself for is the fact that YES I was craving earlier when I went to buy the cigarettes, but I wasnt moody or anything like that.  The exact opposite, I've been in a GREAT mood sense I've quit.  And I dont know if it's because I'm so mad at myself or what but I've been in a crappy mood ever sense I smoked that first one this morning. 

No more excuses, no more "I'll quit next week/month/year", that cant fly with me anymore.  I need to do this for me, and for my kids.  Mainly for me.  I'm tired of this stupid weak addiction having such a hold on me.  I dont NEED them, they do nothing but cause me trouble!  I can and will do this!